It's getting really difficult...

Work is killing me. This is in the sens of, well, everything: Emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, etc. It has become a soul sucking black hole in my life. I know many people say "I hate my job" or that "work sucks" but I literally and very truthfully hate my job.

There are days that I don't even want to pull myself out of bed or get dressed to go to work. And I can honestly say I rather paint a picture with my own blood then ever step foot in that building ever again; I would eat rocks if it I meant I didn't have to work there! It's bad. I've tolerated so much bullshit for the 7 years I've been there and I have next to nothing to show for it other than the insurance and a paycheck. I would say steady paycheck but that would be a lie- I don't even get that. There are months on end where we "have to cut hours" to save the company money in production costs (but we then get yelled out for not pushing out enough product). So working for 7 hours a day, ever day, for nearly a month really puts a damper on my ability to, ya know... SURVIVE. I eat less, I sleep more, I see daylight and my friends a lot less & I end up feeling really depressed and unmotivated to do anything. Even clean my own apartment or to even harass the cat.

I'm currently working on a huge entry for all the extremely stress inducing bullshit that happened to me this last Friday via my boss. The entry is going to be long and probably either boring or juicy to read. But for now I won't focus on that. Just know that I was 8 seconds away from throwing my life into chaos by telling my boss that I quit. Had I had to talk to him for that much longer I would be jobless.

But lets focus on the more positive things I'm trying to do insofar as my job goes.

I'm going to quit.
Honest to goodness, this year, I am going to quit my job and move onto something else. I've decided to focus on becoming a flight attendant. I have been reading up on it a LOT and even though it's a customer service job (hello social anxiety) I believe I would be able to do well at this job. I'm going to honest to goodness give it a shot and I hope to totally fall in love with it :)

And before I get told that I'm making a rash decision this is honestly a profession that has been on my mind for over a year or more now- in fact so long I can't even remember when I first thought of taking it on.

The prep stuff I have to do though while at my current job is getting all sorts of lovely medical check ups. I want to get my eyes checked and get glasses if need be and get my teeth/dental work all done up. I want to have a pretty picturesque smile so I don't feel embarrassed to do so in front of people.

Now as I take on this job though I plan to move closer to Portland International Airport. I'm honestly not far from it (20 min or so drive- but I don't have a car) but It'd be nice being closer to work and it would also help my future room mate as it is closer to her school. However, if I can't find a decently priced apartment or even house to rent then I am OK with staying where I am currently as I do really like it here a good deal.

These are my goals. These are my wants, and honestly, NEEDS to do to improve my working life. And despite having an erratic schedule as a flight attendant I would still have more time to see friends and to actually do things. With my current job I work 5 days a week, every week, on a horrid swing+graveyard schedule combo of hell. It's next to impossible to get time off and I'm only ever allowed to call in sick 3 times a year. And as it stands now with how much Oregon's minimum wag went up I am not far above it. I have worked at this place for nearing a decade and I get paid under $13 an hour. SEVEN. YEARS. And that's all I have to show for it *sigh*

I can't do this any more. It's been long overdue that change has to happen. And this year is when I will make the change.

FUCK THIS JOB!