It's getting really difficult...

Work is killing me. This is in the sens of, well, everything: Emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, etc. It has become a soul sucking black hole in my life. I know many people say "I hate my job" or that "work sucks" but I literally and very truthfully hate my job.

There are days that I don't even want to pull myself out of bed or get dressed to go to work. And I can honestly say I rather paint a picture with my own blood then ever step foot in that building ever again; I would eat rocks if it I meant I didn't have to work there! It's bad. I've tolerated so much bullshit for the 7 years I've been there and I have next to nothing to show for it other than the insurance and a paycheck. I would say steady paycheck but that would be a lie- I don't even get that. There are months on end where we "have to cut hours" to save the company money in production costs (but we then get yelled out for not pushing out enough product). So working for 7 hours a day, ever day, for nearly a month really puts a damper on my ability to, ya know... SURVIVE. I eat less, I sleep more, I see daylight and my friends a lot less & I end up feeling really depressed and unmotivated to do anything. Even clean my own apartment or to even harass the cat.

I'm currently working on a huge entry for all the extremely stress inducing bullshit that happened to me this last Friday via my boss. The entry is going to be long and probably either boring or juicy to read. But for now I won't focus on that. Just know that I was 8 seconds away from throwing my life into chaos by telling my boss that I quit. Had I had to talk to him for that much longer I would be jobless.

But lets focus on the more positive things I'm trying to do insofar as my job goes.

I'm going to quit.
Honest to goodness, this year, I am going to quit my job and move onto something else. I've decided to focus on becoming a flight attendant. I have been reading up on it a LOT and even though it's a customer service job (hello social anxiety) I believe I would be able to do well at this job. I'm going to honest to goodness give it a shot and I hope to totally fall in love with it :)

And before I get told that I'm making a rash decision this is honestly a profession that has been on my mind for over a year or more now- in fact so long I can't even remember when I first thought of taking it on.

The prep stuff I have to do though while at my current job is getting all sorts of lovely medical check ups. I want to get my eyes checked and get glasses if need be and get my teeth/dental work all done up. I want to have a pretty picturesque smile so I don't feel embarrassed to do so in front of people.

Now as I take on this job though I plan to move closer to Portland International Airport. I'm honestly not far from it (20 min or so drive- but I don't have a car) but It'd be nice being closer to work and it would also help my future room mate as it is closer to her school. However, if I can't find a decently priced apartment or even house to rent then I am OK with staying where I am currently as I do really like it here a good deal.

These are my goals. These are my wants, and honestly, NEEDS to do to improve my working life. And despite having an erratic schedule as a flight attendant I would still have more time to see friends and to actually do things. With my current job I work 5 days a week, every week, on a horrid swing+graveyard schedule combo of hell. It's next to impossible to get time off and I'm only ever allowed to call in sick 3 times a year. And as it stands now with how much Oregon's minimum wag went up I am not far above it. I have worked at this place for nearing a decade and I get paid under $13 an hour. SEVEN. YEARS. And that's all I have to show for it *sigh*

I can't do this any more. It's been long overdue that change has to happen. And this year is when I will make the change.

FUCK THIS JOB!

Marshmellow [sic] Bunny

 I was never crazy about this dress. It was always just kind of cute to me, but at the same time really rather ugly; it reminded me terribly of Easter in wall the wrong ways. Bunnies and pastels: two things that practically MAKE sweet lolita what it is. However the over all motif just seemed so ugly and weird; and I can't quiet put my finger on just WHY. Maybe it falls under "busu kawaii" for me? Where something is so ugly it becomes cute... lol.

 Really though the only color I was not a fan of was the pink- which often happens. My favorite is black with blue and ivory coming in second. The ivory looks too yellow though against the white bunnies. But I suppose making it white would make the bunnies pretty much just creepy floating eyes/boys/noses... thought maybe that'd be kinda of neat in their own way.

 Some weird power possessed me to buy this dress. I don't know if I'll regret it later or not (and boy do I hope I don't) but I ended up getting the ivory. Black and blue were sold out and like hell I'd buy pink lol. I think black might end up being the ONLY colorway of this dress I end up liking in the end...

BUT IT'S SO UGLY!!

Seriously why the frak did I buy this thing?! I already regret it and AP already sent it out... ugh ~_~;; Maybe I can sell it? I'll steal the pattern off it first though lol

Small Taobao Order: Star themed!

I made a rather small order using Bhiner to test them out. I plan to do full reviews of each item but for now here is a list of the things I got en route :)

- Loris shooting star bag in light yellow:
[shop link] [review]

- Loris star handbags (purple and pink):
[shop link] [review]

- Blonde+pink lolita wig (for Sheryl Nome cosplay!):
[shop link] [review]

- Sentimental Circus pass cases (bunny and elephant):
[shop link] [review]

The galaxy school uniform had to be ordered in 4 separate pieces (two tops and two bottoms.) At the time I got these they were immensely popular so I got a few different sized things. I always ordered up a size when I had the chance though!

School Uniform top (blue size & purple size XL):
[shop link] [review]

School uniform skirt (blue size M, purple size XL):
[shop link] [review]

[Taobao] Trying a new shopping service

So this new shopping service I'm using is called Bhiner. I chose to try them out as they only charge a 5% fee and I've heard a few people talk good about them. I usually used Taobaospree but decided to give a different service a try this time around (TBS also charges a 10% fee).

I've come to find a few good and bad points about Bhiner:

• BAD: I -have- to choose my shipping method before they start buying my items. The bad side to this is that I don't fully know just HOW much my order is going to weigh! My shipping option I choose could end up being vastly more expensive than planned/hoped! Also they say they will charge you a small fee if you decide to use a different shipping method after you make your order.
• BAD: They don't offer SAL as a shipping method. Also the cheapest method's price is raising on FEB 22nd (2013). The method that will then become cheapest takes 15-30 days to arrive as opposed to the current time of 7-14 days. Lame.
• BAD: There's a 4% fee to move money from your Paypal into your "Bhiner account". The whole idea of have a separate account weirds me out as well. However the other Paypal option is to send them money as a personal gift and Paypal charges MORE for that than the 4% (at least it did with my order.) I also don't feel very secure sending them money as a gift.
• GOOD: Items arrived SUPER quick! I paid for them on Thursday (China's Friday) and everything was with Bhiner by Tuesday. I ordered roughly 10 things though they were only from maybe 3 or 4 shops.
• GOOD: The cheap fee. They also say they have a 44% discount for EMS shipping (which I intend to try the next time around if I do use them again)
• GOOD: The cart system is super easy to use and all the items will get confirmed for stock within' a days time :)
• GOOD: Bhiner automatically takes pictures of the items as they arrive and uploads them online.
• GOOD: Website has a shipping calculator that shows you the price for each method or shipping and will automatically highlight the cheapest method. Very helpful!

Overall it seems to be a decent service to use. I've been thinking about trying another service for my next order but I will say that I have yet to find a cart system that is as stream-lined as Bhiner's is. I like how they have things set up and the shipping calculator is helpful. I suppose I will give them another shot.

Day Dream Carnival

Scans from a fashion magazine showing Angelic Pretty's two newest prints have been circulating on the internet for a short time now- and even better pictures have finally been released. I'm not sure if AP has announced anything about it but I do know a good deal of girls whom are ALREADY contacting shopping services to procure one of the dresses for them! All they are going off of are some magazine scans!... but really I can see the hype with the print.

It's being referred to as a more "mature" or "grown up" version of Sugary Carnival- which I can see. But at the same time all I am seeing in this dress is the similarity with Bodyline's [fairly popular] carousel dress. Now I'm not saying that Angelic Pretty is copying Bodyline at all- not by a long shot. But the two prints are very similar in a lot of ways: the framing around the carousel, vertical multi-tone stripes, stars on the stripes, and even somewhat the ponies themselves (from what I am able to see.) This isn't intended to be a "who did it better" sort of comparison but you can't deny how similar they are in the raw basic aspects of it.

I will say thought that overall construction wise I KNOW AP's will be done a lot better. The cuts and seams are always done well whereas Bodyline is put together in a much more mass-produced way (side panels not cut so much on the bias to be able to use more fabric, same cut/pattern used for many dresses, not lined, etc etc.) I know AP's will definitiely look more lovely worn but it's really hard for me to NOT see the similarities. I suppose I shall wait until AP updates their online shop before I judge so much though ;x

A lot just seems so over the top and costume-y about this dress that it's really hard for me to like it. I almost get the feeling like it's just much too busy overall- too many elements going on. And I'm not a fan of the colors- in fact the white is the only one I like so far.

Personally I think Gloria was a lot prettier than this dress. And I wasn't a huge fan of Gloria because of the giant gold cross printed directly onto the front of the skirt (also the fat baby angels) but the constructive design of the Gloria dresses looked so lovely and regal. Whereas Day Dream just looks like a little girl's princess dress.

It's pretty but it's not for me at all. One more dress for other girls! Haha
I'll stick to working on acquiring Chess Chocolate :3



BTW scans are NOT MINE. I found them on 4chan... >_>;;

New Taobao Shopping Service

I'm finally ordering some super cute lolita bags off of Taobao and decided to try a new shopping service this time around. I haven't even MADE the order but so far I'm finding this service to be frustrating >:/

The shopping cart style is great but what is putting me off so quickly about it is the fact that I have to choose my final shipping service already when I haven't even paid for the items. I feel like this could have been done a bit better. Why not make it a 2-step format where I choose later? They'll already have to notify me when I need to pay the shipping and that's essentially a 2-step process already... so why not just lump the "choose shipping option" there? That way I know the actual weight, and therefore shipping cost, of said items?

I did end up deciding against some shoes I wanted though. Just adding the 2 pairs in raised the price of my order by nearly $100!! I've been eyeing these shoes for over a year now and ,while I'm surprised they haven't sold out yet, I'm still really paranoid about spending so much on some shoes that I don't know if I'll like the look of on my actual feet.

I hate buying shoes online! But I love shoes and there are so many cute shoes online!

One giant conundrum my friends >:(  lol

"Friendship" or "Friendshit"?

This... incident, has been a long time coming I suppose. I knew something of this sort would happen. Am I sad? a bit. Upset? Maybe. But I knew it'd come to this sooner or later.

I'm talking about a point/event in which someone just totally blows up at you and then blocks you or unfriends you all over the internet. I'm somewhat insulted just because some very clearly mean, and just plain vicious, things were said about me and others I know (boyfriend included).
But in reality I'm not really phased by it. I feel like I should be. Like I'm supposed to feel bad and be weepy and such but the person in question is just so unstable and, honestly, crazy that I saw this coming so very long ago.

Should I even try to reconcile with her? I'm not about to say sorry to her for things I've never said/done to her. There is no reason for me to apologize to her other than to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or maybe "I'm sorry you think that"... but am I sorry for something I did to her? If anything I just shut down and ignored her because she would fly off the handle. I don't have time to deal with people freaking out on me for things. She said some awfully cruel things to me in her last few text message outbursts; and when I would try to have a conversation with her it just seemed like s volleying of excuses or reasons.

You live a 2 HOUR DRIVE away from me. I work 5 days a week on a very [shitty] set schedule that prevents me from even seeing my own room mate (whom she's also talked shit about) for more than maybe an hour or 2 A DAY. I see my boyfriend once a month -if that- lately because our work schedules are insanely different. And what does she do? She's a NEET. She has all the free time in the world though not the money to do anything. I'm not going to be the source of money for her either! She's not feeding me nor is she f**king me and she's not my own child- so there is no reason I should financially support her.

*deep breath*

Whew. Sorry... getting a bit upset in the heat of the moment there.

I just am at a total loss now. I'm not going to reply anything. I'm not even going to ask for the wigs back that she has or any of the clothes either. I'm just tapping out on this one and cutting my losses.

I'm done.

Get therapy and leave me alone.

Lolita Resolutions for 2013

So I saw Pawawanpi make a post like this and I really liked the idea! A post about the direction, dreams, an aspirations for my lolita wardrobe. I have a lot of things planned in the future as for lolita but am also flying by the seat of my pants a bit ^^;;. So I think putting things into a list, or even just this post, is a good idea so I can come back and reflect, or just remind myself, of where I want to go and what I want to do with my collection

My goals for lolita in 2013:

~ Obtain at least 2 of the print pieces I really really love.
I have a few of these and while I know it seems almost showboat of me there are reasons I really love these dresses. To me it's not about popularity or anything of the such, as I know a good deal of them are indeed very "popular" by lolita standards. (Chess chocolate mint/ivory jabot jsk, Dream Sky navy/lavender jsk, etc etc) But it's more of me loving the print itself. It's like art to me. If I could just have bought fabric of it I would make all the things!

~ Fully construct at least 3 of the dresses I have doodled out designs for!
It's almost an addiction for me that, ever since I first discovered what lolita was 10 years ago, that I would doodle out designs for a "lolita" dress. Of course so many of them by today's standards would be considered "ita" to a lot of people: lace everywhere and large headdresses (lol). But that's what was popular back then. How -now- I have come up with some seriously cute ideas! Stay tuned for those though (Angelic Pretty should seriously hire me.)

~ Sew my own blouses.
Lolita blouses, in my opinion, are one of those things that are just so insanely prices that it boggles my mind. I've broken down the cost for a dress and so a, newly bought, brand dress generally has a "reasonable" price given costs, labor, materials and such. But a blouse, unless full of details, is just pretty fabric marked up due to a brand's name. And to be honest I don't often find blouses I actually like! So I plan to start sewing my own. This way I can cut and style them better for my body and not run the risk of measurement A or B not fitting right on a bought blouse.

~ Sell off unused/unwanted items
I have a lot of unworn skirts hanging in my closet that I didn't like for one reason or another- generally the waist band's elastic is too strong (curse you bodyline!) and I'm a bit too lazy to alter them. It annoys me because I like the prints a lot but I just can't see myself wearing the skirt at all. This has happened a lot and I need to become very diligent on selling off the skirts and shoes that do not fit either in measurements or style. Lee impulse buys and more LOVE buys!


I know this isn't a remarkable list. But goals are still goals no matter how small :) and I've got to start somewhere!

Chocolate Design

So. I really like doodling out lolita dress designs.

And there's a local meet up on the 19th to go to a chocolate festival together! I wanted to wear something "chocolate" themed because I thought it'd be cute. I know a lot of others girls will probably do the same but that's OK.

Then I remembered... I don't really own anything chocolate themed! ;A; CRAP!
A few hours after realizing that last night at work I doodled out a really cute JSK design! It's simple but interesting enough that I've now become almost obsessive about making it!

I hope to get the fabric this weekend. If not then next weekend- though that may be cutting it close as it won't give me too much time to finish everything *sigh*
Best of luck to me! :D

Stay tuned!

NewCon PDX

Wow. I'm surprised. Honestly I am! This con was a lot of fun :) I expected it to feel so very small but the con had a ton of people attending and so much to do! Though earlier in the days was a little dead... but that's understandable considering the con advertised as being more-so later at night. Which I think was a smart move! A lot of people stay up late at conventions so it's always a shame when there is a panel or something awesome going on in the morning and you have to make the choice of either missing out on the night fun or missing out on the morning event.

Fruits Parlour in mint!
I'll post more pictures when I find them.

Of course considering this con was in it's first year it didn't have a whole lot of gusts. But I think this one will grow really quickly with the way it's being ran :) I know the guy whom started the con and after talking to him a bit about interesting things that happened I really want to support this convention more! I already helped with the webpage this year >_>;; so why not help out a bit more in other ways if I can?

I want to see this con spank KumoriCon's ass!!


To start off I agreed to be in the lolita fashion show! In a previous post I mentioned the outfits I'd be wearing. I found out after getting there that I'd have to quick change with only 5 people between my first and 2nd outfit O_O NOT. ENOUGH. TIME. I even mentioned to the girl coordinating it that I might need time since Sugary Carnival has a stubborn invisible zipper in it >_<

After the fashion show.
Feeling ultra KAWAII!

Sadly to say I did NOT make it on stage in time. I was able to go up with only one skip though. I had to cover the side of myself with my arm though because the dress's zipper was caught D: UGH. I even zipped and unzipped it a ton at home to make sure I'd have no issues. Maybe it has something to do with the urgency of the event. Ugh. But other than that the fashion event went off without a hitch. I was also really happy as I was the only one wearing a mint colored dress! And even then most girls were wearing pink, black, or brown. Which kind of saddens me... where's the purples?! The blues!? Need more colors! Seriously if I get into it next year I'm forcing some of my friends to let me dress them >:/ that fashion show was somewhat lacking in variety of colors! Though the styles and silhouettes were all lovely :)

After that I was STARVING hungry as all I had to eat was a bao Liz brought for me to the fashion show. Even then I only ate like... half :(  So we went with Tessa, Kitty, Julia, and Shelby to Taco Bell. Got a -ton- of looks from people as we were walking down the street. People are interesting, let me tell you! But I suppose they had something exciting in their day seeing us in cosplay and lolita so whatever ^^;;

At Taco Bell we ate like queens and chatted about all sorts of cosplay drama and happenings. I had a really good time :) had an older gentlemen compliment my lolita dress and a few younger patrons try to mock us. But again... whatevs!!

Afterwards I headed to the maid cafe run by Beast Of Hentai and it was extra crazy! I stepped in only for a short time since I know how crazy they can be. My friend Jon insisted he had to mark my hand because I wasn't paying to eat. I got kind of huffy since I know he was supposed to just draw an X on my hand! NO! I can't do that! I wanted something cute :< my lolita outfit would look silly with a giant weird purple X on my hand. So he drew me a dinosaur with a "pimp hat" and a cane LOL!!
Unfortunately it took a while to wash off... At least it wasn't marked with a super dark black pen. That would have really been lame.

I left sometime around 2am or so. I was just... done. Very tired. The con was coming to a close and people were just too drunk for me to tolerate. I needed some rest as well though as I planned on commuting back. Wasn't sure what to wear, though I had a few ideas: Christmas cosplay thrown together from my closet, Hanbok SeeU, more lolita, or a random "idol" outfit from my closet. Needless to say my friends voted for the Christmas cosplay- so I threw something together.

Vince (aka Darkain) had taken a bunch of photos earlier in the day of me in lolita! And he asked me if I'd like more photos of Ranka this time. I was so excited! I've never really had a photographer at a con do a whole light set-up with me. We derped about, got some awesome and some silly photos, and built a good relationship off it. I'm also extra excited as he offered to take pictures whenever he could :) even if I travel up to Seattle or here comes down to Portland... so this could be fun. Actually... A LOT OF FUN. I have so many ideas now! SO MANY!!

I didn't choose the Kira life,
The Kira life chose me!

Then again I also want to do photos with Peter. I always feel so super camera shy around him though :( but I know I would be able to be more... open(?) with him. Or at least I should be. But maybe because he's my boyfriend it's more awkward as opposed to the normal cosplayer x cosplay photographer relationship that goes on. *sigh* My brain is dumb.

Anywhos!
Second day I talked a LOT with Tom Good (a local photog). I've always admired his photos but never really had a chance to make it to the Portland meet ups (they're usually before noon on Saturdays- I work until 2:30am on Saturday... :< ugh). I'm really glad we got along as much as we did! He also took a bunch of pictures of my Ranka for me :3 so I should be expecting a lot of photos. Like I said earlier I'll make a huge photo post when I can!!

Liz let me dress her up in lolita for the day. She looked really cute! But at the same time her boobs were too big for the shirt I loaned her LOL; so one of the buttons kept popping open. I closed her a ton for her. Ugh. Yeah. Oh well I guess ^^;;

Uhmmm... we didn't stay too late on the 2nd day. I started feeling really run down and she was just not in "con mood" so we ended up leaving kinda early. Maybe around 9pm?

After getting home I promptly passed out. I heard many stories about the later happenings and while I'm sad I missed them I'm also OK with it. Because I know with as tired as I was I would not have had all that much fun.

Overall though I did enjoy the con a lot and am looking forward to it next year. I hope to have my fingers in it a bit more and help out though :) We'll see what's needed though- I can only do what I'm allowed to after all!