Lost Time

My goodness it's been forever since I've updated anything outside of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

I've had a huge problem lately with time. Keeping track of it, getting a feeling for the days passing, and realizing just how much time has passed between events. I noticed today it's been a staggering 8 months since I uploaded anything to Youtube and the same could be said for this blog. I have a lot of back posts I could, and plan to, update. But that doesn't mean tyhey'll be of as good of quality as if I wrote them right after any of the said events.

Oi... what has gotten in to me? Each day I think "I want to write more" "I need to update my blog" "I should record a video of some sort" or something along those lines. I WANT to do these things but I seem to not have the -time-.

A few weeks back I burned up all my vacation time. I had two weeks off. This doesn't sound like a lot for people but for me it was the longest vacation I've had since I started this job 8 years ago. Just two weeks. I did more traveling, hikes, social events and slept better than I had since I could remember. I liked it actually- a great deal. And since heading back to work I've been in a HUGE funk. I want that fun time as much as possible- not just on the weekends.

I really need to start paying attention to my time. To make as much of it as productive as possible. This is going to be hard but it seems as though I'm getting my ambition back to TRY to do things. So let's hope I can keep this ball rolling and actually do something with myself out of the herd-like conventional job space ^^;;

I'm a bear!

"Who knows how to make love stay?"

Tom Robbins quotes always come to mind when I think about "love". Particularly ones from his book Still Life With Woodpecker He's honestly a fantastic writer and I should pick up more of his books as well and reread the ones I have already read. I suggest you check out this author! He's great!

“Who knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.”

 ~Tom Robbins      

But how DOES one make love stay? One first has to ask how you define "love"- as this is something not all people view the same. Some people see love as self-sacrificing; where you give up everything that is "you" to either support the "we" aspect or the other person. Other's see it as a financial support and end up throwing gifts or money at their loved ones. Sometimes love gets twisted and strange but honestly so many people express love so differently that you can't really know how someone will love you unless you receive love from that person.

Personally I find myself giving the type of "nurturing" or parental love. I want to take care of the people whom are dear to me- making them food, helping them with things, etc. Just generally taking care of them and helping their lives become a little easier if possible. A little bit more comfortable.

But this also to me is a flawed love. As it's a love most people receive from their own mothers. So it's been taken advantage of a lot by people before. Yes I do this with friends, and no I don't expect things in return for it (aside from maybe a "thank you" or two.) But, generally speaking, people seem so used to this type of "love" that more often than not it's taken for granted. Demanding a more showy type of love from me will not net you that as that's not how I express it. I do buy gifts for people; usually in a sense of "OMG this reminded me of you!" But it will end up being something like a silly Star Wars trinket for someone or something Pokemon. I bought a mini plush set of Animal Crossing before for a friend since it wasn't a whole lot and I know she wanted a KK plush really bad (he was included.) I expected nothing in return because her shrieks of delight were enough to make my day.

But you want me to do WHAT now? You want me to dress how? You want me to change THAT about myself? Demands demands demands. People never seem happy with what they have- even if it's the best thing they've ever had.

How do you make love stay?

But what kind of love is it that you want?